Thursday, July 3, 2014

Journey into Smokelessness

The most overused cliche about quitting is the Mark Twain quote, "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world, I know because I've done it a thousand times" It is overused though, because of a reason, it resounds with anyone who's ever tried to quit a few times.

As I begin again, I feel that familiar discomfort which makes me feel nostalgic of the last few times I tried. What has helped though is that the monsoons are beginning to set in. The monsoons bring the air pollution down (quite literally) and water Delhi's trees with acid rain. Tragic as that may sound, it does provide my lungs with what is remotely reminiscent of mountain air.

My ideas seem detached and distant floating in a endless sea of obscure musings, as I struggle to bring words together to form a thought. Construction workers persistently hammering away, chipping of parts of the building I'm in, form my soothing soundscape. I find myself fantasizing about a nice big drag of that deliciously disgusting sweet poison, only to be slapped my own mind.

There is some joy to be had in this struggle too. Stepping back and looking at oneself fight with an invisible enemy. An enemy that's a product of an unchecked habit.  

Monday, November 11, 2013

I hate religion. It divides us. It among other things, stops us Indians (and you Pakistanis, if I may be so upfront) from having the perfect cricket team. India is a mix of religions, castes, languages and people of colours. I mean no offence to my brothers to the west, but I would like to say\, how dare you betray us? How dare you separate from us just on the basis of religion? We still have more muslims than you do and if you were with us maybe this whole divide between hindus and muslims would not have happened, assholes like Narendra Modi would not have surfaced. Why would you leave us when we could have built a life together. Look at your economy, I know ours is in tatters but its still worth something in comparison to yours. You've spent most your existance warring with us.  For what? For your stupid politicians(and ours I might add) to exploit emotions and instill fears? What if this whole war between us did not exist. I do not know of a Pakistani who would't want to get rid of the Taliban and make his country greater than it has ever been. Maybe I'm being too idealistic to think of uniting India and Pakistan, maybe I'm being too idealistic by thinking that we're brothers divided by the British "divide and rule" policy. The least I can dream is of open borders between our countries and maybe a free pass for Kashmir too. So that we can unite Kashmir as one again and let them be a place where Indians and Pakistanis can live peacefully as the rest of our countries. I dream of India being in a place where Pakistanis could come to study without a need for visas and I could drive across to the border to just have some good beef. I'm honestly just a stupid dreamer foodie. I am an atheist for all reasons. Hindus and Muslims may unite against me, if need be. If that is what unites you, let it be that.   

Saturday, May 11, 2013


A relentless excruciation
under engulfing anesthesia,
a dead laconic lethargy,
making the chaos mundane,

a slippery raddled slide,
onto snapping teeth of steel,
felt betrayed by agony,
ecstatic at the thought of pain,

life is a box of chocolates, she said,
each is better than the next,
with a dwindling hope we did move,
into intimidating uncharted seas

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Present

I see myself as a man of faith, an image of my own past. I have had a few moments in which I might have wanted to turn back time, but then does not everyone ? The world is a culmination of its yesterdays.


An elixir can distort your perception, help you discover an unknown world, its like being on vacation, where the problems of the real world seem immaterial. It is nice to be on vacation as long as one remembers that they live in the "real" world

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Futility ?

I set out to find a theory for everything,
A ray of light at the end of a dark alley,
the reason for love, life and laughter,
the eternal truth and its righteous path,

and when I found the truth untold,
oblivious to the seeker and the soothsayer too,
I found a nay I could not parlay,
unlike as outlined in a million fables,

I understood that I knew nothing,
and felt enlightened at that thought,
for some think we`re but prisoners here,
for some, we`re life in a hand-full of sand,

for to feel one`s hair stand out behind the neck,
at the sound of a solo on a Spanish guitar,
or the tingle at the edge of a the tongue,
over a mouth-full of melting pie,

or the flutter in one`s heart,
on a walk beside a gushing ocean,
against a million sparkled sky,
and finding that one`s not alone,
or the despair, pain, and agony,
and teardrops on the countenance of wailing kins,
the sinking heart for letting a loved one go,
and become specks of sand again,

I run sand through my hands,
and see our existence slipping by,
I find solace in blood, sweat and tears,
and life in a million eyes

Monday, January 5, 2009

Something Stupid !

"I love you", the most stupendous human invention since the tie, yes we all love getting choked . These three words when put together can destroy your life as you know it. It can complicate things beyond repair. It can turn a satisfying romp into an excruciating futile dwindling talk into the search for a theory of everything, maybe it was love that made Hawking write that book.
Ah, sweet love, the mother of agony, pain and blind belief. Love was made up by playwrights and screenplay writers to earn their daily bread much the same way religious bodies invented god (go on condemn me I am an atheist, actually agnostic, which is a euphemism for being an atheist). It it as ubiquitous as rain in the monsoons and equally reliable too.
This might come as a shock to most of us but there are quite a few people out there, who gesticulate everything the world throws at them each morning. Such a person is oblivious to the existence of grays, somehow everything seems black or white. Such people end up living their mediocre lives in mediocre houses and give birth to mediocre children and entertain their mediocre friends every Sunday with mediocre finger food. And they believe, in love, god and the moon landing, for to think otherwise is blasphemy, a taboo, in other words for them to think is doing the unthinkable.
Why ? Why dematerialize your most basic instinct to be something more meaningful, why should everything have an attached meaning, and even if it did, why let someone else choose your ideals for you ? Why should the choice already be made ?