Monday, August 3, 2015


The constant confusion, that is the process of living life to its fullest, is a most basic form of existential angst. While most of us get stuck in the flow of modern life with its streamlined path leading to the end of all roads, some do sometimes get a moment to reflect upon what it means to exist. While there are ends visible until the horizon on the streamlined paths, the more interesting paths in life are blurry, foggy and desolate.

Making the jump with a promise gain everything buy surely lose everything one stands on is something that does not come easily to say the least. But, there is a delicate liberating joy in letting it all go, jumping off the cliff and enjoying the weightlessness with a careless surrender as the wind whizzes past the ears. All there is to gain is the ability to fly and soar, all there is to lose is nothing that was worth it in itself anyway.

So, go, Jump! And I do not mean literally. 

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Self help books

The world is full of self help books, how to be a better dad, how to become a millionaire, how to seduce the opposite sex and who can forget, how to get 6 pack abs. The latter adorns at least one fitness/lifestyle magazine every month. It just makes me wonder if these books did really help anyone but the coffers of the publishers and the authors. 

These books would in theory work if one changed certain things about oneself. Maybe diet, exercise, behaviour but mostly change oneself to think differently and behave differently consequently becoming a different person. 

That may sound probable if not at least possible. 

We are a sum of our yesterdays. Everything we are from how we feel a certain thing tastes to how we react to different situations is an amalgamation of what we have experienced. These experiences are connected with each other through the glue of logic or faith, which together forms our  set of beliefs and passions. 

There are many reasons why I think reverse engineering oneself, without the forethought of building an experience to modify one's thought process subconsciously or a time machine to go back in time to change what caused the unwanted behaviour, is ambitious to grossly understate it.

 Everyone wants to change but most can't. To become someone else one has to live a different life. If you do what you always have, you will always get what you've always got.   

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Wake Work Sleep Repeat

Our generation is the most advanced that has ever lived. We live longer, have access to more food, better healthcare on an average than any generation before us. This however, also means that we spend more of our lives working, doing jobs. 

We go to school, then college then get a job, get married have kids, pass our genes, help them go through the cycle and then die. We live our days like an old typewriter, typing in the same words in different ways each day the carriage returns, we run from once place to other pushing things into place, doing chores, making rent, feeding ourselves, making plans, executing plans and entertaining ourselves. There are enough distractions to keep us occupied and away from thought until our bodies decay and we eventually but surely die. 

Do we ever stop and wonder with the bemusement of a child? Why should one become a brick in another wall of humanity and all that it is right now? Why should one work or have a job? Why have money dictate who we work under and who works under us?  Why does society seem to have a mind of its own and why is its mind so narrow? Why are we here, where were we before this and why weren't we consulted? If we have a finite time here and if our deaths are both uncertain and unquestionable, why should we spend most of it doing something we don't like to buy things we don't need? What is true happiness at the bottom of it all? Is it finding love and companionship, sex and orgasms, everything that money can buy, or is it finding god ? 

How wonderful it would have been if I could just choose one. Money is good option because it can buy almost anything even god and companionship. Almost every big temple has a VIP entry and there are plenty who prefer moolah over mush, presidents over passion. 

A part of me passionately disagrees, a part of me knows.    

Monday, December 15, 2014

What is dead may never die!

"Living things avoid decay into disorder and equilibrium": Erwin Schrödinger

It is difficult to deal with death, especially when it is someone one knows well and is a big part of one's life. It is just one of those inevitable truths in life that seem to shock us despite how conspicuous things may be.

I have a difficult time dealing with death. I feel nothing about it. I don't feel good, I don't feel bad, I just feel an empty void.

I lost a friend when I was in 12th grade. He had been close but had drifted apart over the years. I still met him on a weekly basis. We had spent quite a lot of time together. I had known him for at least 9 years then. My friend had lived away from his family and his family had always made sure he was never spoilt, so that he may study hard and make something of himself, ah the irony! He died when he was undergoing a cosmetic surgery because of an overdose of anaesthesia. It was a depressing sight, his parents and all his relatives gathered around his corpse and beat their hearts out crying. His father stood outside his house, talking to people as they came in "I came here to surprise him with a bike and he gave us all a surprise!" he said as he wept uncontrollably.

I couldn't shed a tear. I know of strangers who could have.      

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Journey into Smokelessness

The most overused cliche about quitting is the Mark Twain quote, "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world, I know because I've done it a thousand times" It is overused though, because of a reason, it resounds with anyone who's ever tried to quit a few times.

As I begin again, I feel that familiar discomfort which makes me feel nostalgic of the last few times I tried. What has helped though is that the monsoons are beginning to set in. The monsoons bring the air pollution down (quite literally) and water Delhi's trees with acid rain. Tragic as that may sound, it does provide my lungs with what is remotely reminiscent of mountain air.

My ideas seem detached and distant floating in a endless sea of obscure musings, as I struggle to bring words together to form a thought. Construction workers persistently hammering away, chipping of parts of the building I'm in, form my soothing soundscape. I find myself fantasizing about a nice big drag of that deliciously disgusting sweet poison, only to be slapped my own mind.

There is some joy to be had in this struggle too. Stepping back and looking at oneself fight with an invisible enemy. An enemy that's a product of an unchecked habit.  

Monday, November 11, 2013

India, Pakistan and religion

I hate religion. It divides us. It among other things, stops us Indians (and you Pakistanis, if I may be so upfront) from having the perfect cricket team. India is a mix of religions, castes, languages and people of colours. I mean no offence to my brothers to the west, but I would like to say\, how dare you betray us? How dare you separate from us just on the basis of religion? We still have more muslims than you do and if you were with us maybe this whole divide between hindus and muslims would not have happened, assholes like Narendra Modi would not have surfaced. Why would you leave us when we could have built a life together. Look at your economy, I know ours is in tatters but its still worth something in comparison to yours. You've spent most your existance warring with us.  For what? For your stupid politicians(and ours I might add) to exploit emotions and instill fears? What if this whole war between us did not exist. I do not know of a Pakistani who would't want to get rid of the Taliban and make his country greater than it has ever been. Maybe I'm being too idealistic to think of uniting India and Pakistan, maybe I'm being too idealistic by thinking that we're brothers divided by the British "divide and rule" policy. The least I can dream is of open borders between our countries and maybe a free pass for Kashmir too. So that we can unite Kashmir as one again and let them be a place where Indians and Pakistanis can live peacefully as the rest of our countries. I dream of India being in a place where Pakistanis could come to study without a need for visas and I could drive across to the border to just have some good beef. I'm honestly just a stupid dreamer foodie. I am an atheist for all reasons. Hindus and Muslims may unite against me, if need be. If that is what unites you, let it be that.   

Saturday, May 11, 2013


A relentless excruciation
under engulfing anesthesia,
a dead laconic lethargy,
making the chaos mundane,

a slippery raddled slide,
onto snapping teeth of steel,
felt betrayed by agony,
ecstatic at the thought of pain,

life is a box of chocolates, she said,
each is better than the next,
with a dwindling hope we did move,
into intimidating uncharted seas